I took another break from blogging this past week in order to deal with some more fun bureaucratic tomfoolery. Because around here, taxes don’t take a day, but a week to file. Or two.
And this brings me to my story. Or stories, I should say.
Here, a lot of your filing and enthusiastic stamping is done in a post office. It’s your one stop for all bureaucratic madness. Well, most of it.
This week I had to go twice. And at some point between the first and the second time, something interesting happened.
The first time I went, I had a story in my head. It went a little like this:
Oh no, I have to go to the post office again. And when I’m having such a bad day. There will be a ton of people waiting. There will be old ladies asking questions about everything and I’ll lose my patience. When my number’s called I’ll get some rude, incompetent clerk who doesn’t know how to help me. Or they’ll give me some really bad news about my situation, like I have to pay a fine or something. Or I’ll get in a fight with them. Oh, it’s going to suck. I wish I didn’t have to go.
And guess what? I was pretty much right.
I waited for ages. I got a clerk who was incompetent and didn’t know how to help me. She also wasn’t willing to get the information I needed, which was on her computer. She ended up handing me a form which I couldn’t fill in because I was missing some codes, conveniently sitting at home. My problem went unsolved. I went home and cried.
The next day I had to go again, obviously, and sort it all out with my handy codes. But this time I did something different: I wrote a new story, and posted it on a forum.
I’m not sure why I did this. I guess I was making fun of myself and my situation. Here’s how it went:
Man, we are sooo lucky that we get to go to the post office – on a Saturday! – and do some more bureaucratic $^%# today. Here’s how it’s going to happen.
We’re gonna stroll in there with our tax forms and get a number. People waiting their turn will be all, “Hey dude, weren’t you here yesterday? How’s it goin’?” They may want to hi-five us. And then a bunch of them will leave so we don’t have to wait for more than 20 minutes.
The teller will be totally chill and respectful. He or she will explain what the hell went wrong, and apologize. And then we’ll just hand over our forms, which of course will all be totally fine, and then after a moment he/she will pause and say, “You know what? We feel really awful about this mixup, just thinking about the stress and inconvenience we’ve caused you. So how about this: for 2009, your taxes are on us. What do you say, are we even?” And, you know, we’ll ponder it for a moment and then decide to be gracious. “Yeah, alright then, no hard feelings,” we’ll say, and there will be moving music on the overhead. People around us will burst into enthusiastic applause.
Oh yes, today’s trip to the post office will be awesome. Are you ready? Let’s go!
OK, don’t worry: I am not going to tell you that this is what actually happened, and that all we have to do is think positively and everything will turn out for the best. Because eew. And that’s not the kinda girl I am.
But I will tell you that I waltzed into the post office with a little smirk on my face. As I waited, my number in hand, I composed that moving score in my mind and imagined my fellow post office-goers offering me high fives. And as strange as it may seem, I ended up getting another clerk this time, even though Miss Incompetent was also working that shift. And this new guy helped me figure out what went wrong. I got everything sorted out in about ten minutes. I was suddenly a lot poorer, but it was DONE.
I went home and I did not burst into tears. I came back to find a few readers of my thread enthusiastic about my story and wishing they had one for other dreadful errands they had to run.
So here’s the moral of this fine story: figure out what story you’re carrying around and rewrite it. Make it incredibly silly and totally improbable. It surely won’t happen they way you’ve written it, but at least you’ll have something to giggle about as you’re going in for that checkup at the dentist’s.
Oh, and you’ll also have done something creative for the day. Hooray!
COMMENTS: Have you ever tried this? Has it worked for you?
What’s the thing you’re dreading right now and could use an alternate story for? I will totally write you one!
I completely love this! That’s brilliant, so full of awesomeness! Very useful tool to keep in my toolbox. Thank you for sharing it.
Sarah, the post office story is the funnies thing I’ve read in June. I can’t stop giggling whenever I re-read it! Oh man I really need to come up with some unpleasant errands, just so that I can use your trick. Wait, I haven’t gone grocery shopping in a week… it’s coming up again. Hmmm need to put a creative spin on grocery shopping!